I Cover Up
For most of my life, I was an expert at covering up. I covered up my fears with sarcasm, my insecurities with humor, and my shame and guilt with masks that I thought would hide the real me. I became skilled at saying just the right thing to deflect attention away from my struggles, hoping no one would see through my carefully crafted defense. But the truth is, people did see through it. And more importantly, God did too.
Looking back, I realize I was – as Pastor Lance talked about in our last sermon – a Deflator—someone who defined himself through guilt and shame. I believed the lie that I wasn’t enough, that my past mistakes and failures somehow determined my worth. Instead of letting God heal my brokenness, I covered up the pain with humor, self-deprecation, and distractions. I told myself I had to be strong, that I had to keep people from seeing the real me, because if they did, they wouldn’t like what they saw. But the weight of guilt and shame is a heavy burden, one that no amount of deflection can truly carry.
Now, in a different season of life, I cover up for another reason—because of my melanoma diagnosis. The sun, which once felt like a source of warmth and freedom, has become a danger I must guard against. I wear long sleeves at the beach, hats where I once let the wind run through my hair, and sunscreen like armor. This kind of covering up is necessary—it’s a protection, a way to be wise in the face of what I now know.
But in all of this, God has shown me something powerful: There are things that need to be covered, and there are things that need to be uncovered.
For years, I was covering up the wrong things. I buried my feelings of unworthiness deep, pretending they weren’t there, afraid to admit that I didn’t feel like I was enough. But God, in His mercy, called me out of hiding. He showed me that I didn’t have to pretend anymore. That I didn’t have to cover up my brokenness with humor or sarcasm. That in Him, I was already loved, already accepted, already worthy—not because of anything I had done, but because of what Jesus had done for me.
That is revival.
Revival isn’t just something that happens in churches or in big movements—it happens in our hearts. It happens when the dead places come back to life, when the burdens of guilt and shame are lifted, and when we stop deflecting and start surrendering. Revival happened in me when I stopped defining myself by my past and started defining myself by the grace of God.
That doesn’t mean I always get it right. I would love to say that I’m always honest about my struggles, my fears, and my journey—but the truth is, I’m not. There are still moments when I hesitate, when I hold back, when I want to cover up again. But I also know this: I am light-years beyond where I was when I began my journey with Christ nearly 15 years ago. The man I was then would struggle to recognize the man I am now. The masks are fewer, the weight is lighter, and the freedom is real.
Now, I cover up in the ways that matter. Not to hide from the world, but to protect the body He has given me. Not to pretend I am something I’m not, but to honor the life He has blessed me with. I no longer cover up out of fear or shame, but out of wisdom and gratitude.
God has taken my need to hide and transformed it into a willingness to stand in the light. I don’t have to mask who I am anymore—but when I do, I know He is patient with me. He is still working, still reviving, still bringing life where there was once only guilt and shame.
I cover up, but I no longer hide. I am reviving, and I am still becoming.
